I’m beginning to come to terms with the fact that I may have a problem, or perhaps, I am the problem. One big psychological problem, I had no idea where or when I lost it, I’m guessing it’s probably at the age of 11, when I got pulled away against my will to a land where only evil existed. It’s inhumane to do that to a child. I would never do that to mine, that’s if I get any.
But then again, it would just be typical of me, to blame something, someone, anything but myself.
When you said “I Miss You. But you’re unforgivable.” I took that as something to hold on, I thought to myself that I’ll just take the positive and get rid of the negative.
But in the end, all I did was increase the negative and got rid of the positive.
It dumbfounds me how dumb I can be, it started out as simple as wanting just a close friend to confide in. Somehow these feelings appear and destroyed everything, everything.
Feelings destroys friendship.
Perhaps I should control myself so much, that I may never have feelings for anyone again, that way no one would get hurt.
Sigh. Sucks to be lost.
I still remember the day I first saw you, I thought to myself, who the
fuck is this girl? Talking so loudly as if she owns the world. I pretty much despised you when I saw you. But who knew the roller coaster ride we went on for the next 15 months. It’s crazy, I would never allow myself to do that to anyone, I see it now the mental torture of having to bear with me.
It sucks to know that I can never keep up with what you’re going through,
Sucks to lose a friend.
Especially one as meaningful as you were.
You’ll be missed, sorely.
Goodbye feelings, goodbye J.